Hi, my name is John Tisdale. I am a weak, broken man, a liar and a thief. I have no redemptive qualities in and of myself. Although you may offer some objection as to the legitimacy of this claim, had you lived a lifetime in my shoes, you'd likely respond with little more than a simple knowing smile. I've seen all kinds of things. I've gone to places dark and grim. I've stayed there longer than I ever wanted and been shackled more deeply in bondage than I ever thought possible. I've pursued all the wrong things and ran from the right ones in cycle after endless broken cycle. I've put up false pretenses and masked my fears and doubts as a matter of lifestyle. I've said things mean and done things evil. Although my heart longs to be true, valiant, loving and kind, I continue to find dark places that force me to come to terms with the reality that what I want to be must come from without because it doesn't dwell within. I long to justify myself with my goodness but I've come to realize that those broken scales only leave me frustrated and self-condemned. I've come to realize that my heart is capable of such self-deceit that I put little trust in my own ability to see myself as I really am. Unless I live transparently in a community of intimate friends who love me with confrontational love, I am doomed to be a captive of my own narrow, distorted perspective. My limited view of my world has only gotten me thus far in life and if I hope to go further it only will be through the rescue of those around me who dare to love me out of my well-worn ruts of broken cycles and mindsets. If you think I have anything to offer you, I will tell you now what you will eventually come to learn. Throughout my life, I've regarded myself as having something to offer. If you look to me, you may at first and from far away be impressed. But, soon your hope will be shattered and replaced with disappointment – followed shortly thereafter with accusations aimed squarely at my intrinsic flaws.
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